Sunday, August 5, 2012

Do you ever get panic attacks?

Yesterday, my 20-year old son walked out of our house to drive with me. We were going to do some charity work with a friend. As I watched him walk toward me, I was overcome by love. When he got in my car, I said, "I hope one day, when you have children, and you feel that incredible love when you look at them, you'll remember how I feel every time I see you."

(Of course, that precludes all the times he drives me crazy with his obsessive, compulsive behavior...)

Hours later, we returned home, he got in his car to drive to his house. Within minutes, he called me. I answered the phone, "IS EVERYTHING OKAY?"

He proceeded to cry and sob..."Mom! Mom!"

I PANICKED! "Oh my God, Oh My God!!! Where are you???" I jumped from my bed to find my shoes to run out the door to him.

That's when he laughed and said he was only kidding. I guess he thought it was funny.

My heart raced. My body shook. I hung up the phone and started crying. Okay, I might have yelled at him to never, ever do that to me again. But I was physically and mentally shaken.

The panic attack. The thought of my child hurt. I was furious and emotional and couldn't calm down for about an hour.

During that time, I had flashbacks of what went through my head when I heard him sobbing.

I also realized that all the small stuff that I worry about every day (the money issues, the boyfriend issues, the fixing-the-house issues)...nothing...NOTHING...compares to praying for the safety and well-being of my children. It's all about perspective, right?

Friday, August 3, 2012


Oh, this is going to be fun...August 3, 2012. Welcome, me!